TCSE 21

Sure, Tom! I’m gonna use your suggestion in this chapter. You can count on it!

And now, time to reveal the one playing Solid Snake. For this role, I choose one of my all-time favorite characters. He may seems unfitting as Snake at first, but you’re gonna love him. Who is it? Well, you’re gonna discover it now, in a chapter called…

Chapter 21: Metal Gear Simpson

Let’s go back to see that particular room on the aircraft carrier. You all remember that room, right? When Aladdin and his team were introduced, we saw a room on the aircraft carrier. And there was a box inside that room, with a voice coming from that box, asking if he could get out of the box because he was hungry. Well, whoever is inside that box will finally appear.

“I am vengeance… I am the yellow…” said the same voice in that box.

All of sudden, the box was lifted, revealing the person that was inside this box. It was a yellow-skinned fat man. Altough he was bald, he did have two strands of hair above the head and some hair on the sides of this head. The fat man had a brown beard. He was wearing a white shirt, blue pants and grey shoes. His name is Homer Simpson.

“I, am, SIMPSON MAN!” he shouted. Then, he looked around awkwardly before saying to himself: “Well, that wasn’t worth it without a crowd to shout it to…” As if he was asking for a crowd, a group of Primids started approaching him. “And now, it WAS worth it!”

Two regular Primids jumped on him and tackled him to the ground.

“Hey! Get out of my body, will you?!” The fat man grabbed one of the Primid and throw it at the other, destroying them. As he stood up, Homer noticed three other Primids charging towards them. Two of them grabbed him, while the third one punched him many times. “D’oh! Ouch! Stop! D’oh! Enough! D’oh!”

After receiving many punches, Homer was finally able to free himself from the Primids as he knocked them with his own head.

“Hurry, Homer! Chili peppers!” he said to himself.

The fat man took a couple of chili peppers in his pocket and ate it rapidly. While screaming painfully because of how hot the chili peppers were, he shooted flames at the robots, destroying them. Looking everywhere nervously, Homer found a faucet and quickly used it to drink water. He enjoyed the water touching his tongue.

“I hope these were the hardest robots here.” he said as he walked towards the next door. As he went through the door, he was spotted by more Primids. He noticed them and realized they were carrying bazookas. “D’oh!”

The Primids shooted at him. The fat man ran for his life and panicked.

“Oh, no! They’re gaining on me! Wait, I have an idea!” He took some weiners that were in his pocket. “These weiners will give me the quick energy I need to escape!”

He quickly ate the weiners. Surprisingly, he was able to run faster and escaped the Primids. The fat man rested his back against a wall and rubbed his forehead with his arm while sighing in relief.

“Phew! That was close. And I’m still hungry!... Wait a minute…” To his left, Homer noticed a meal. A meal he particularly enjoys. “Mmm, donut…” he said before drooling. With a big grin, he took the donut. He licked his mouth before slowly putting the donut into his mouth. All of sudden, a gun-carrying Primid appeared and grabbed the donut away. “Hey! It’s mine! Find your own donut, dumbbot!” Homer looked at the Primid. He had a weird thought in his mind. “Green, annoying, no brain… My God! You’re a robotic Ned Flanders!”

The Primid looked at Homer like if he didn’t understand what the fat man just said.

“Anyway, gimme back my donut!” The Primid shook his head, meaning no. This was a bad move as Homer went more angry. “Why, you little!” He grabbed the robot’s neck and strangled him. He strangled him so hard that the Primid was destroyed. Homer took back his donut before eating it. “Stupid robot…”

The fat man went into another room. Here, the only way to go at the end of the room was to avoid a whole bunch of spikes on the floor.

“Spikes? What is that, a bad video game with numerous cliché?!” complained the fat man. He sighed. “Alright, brain. What should I do?”

“How should you do? I don’t know. You should think about it.” thought his brain.

“Hey! You’re the brain. You’re the one who think!” snapped Homer.

“Oh, give me a break! Do it yourself!”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Idiot.”

“Shut up!”

“How can I give you an advice if you tell me to shut up?”

Hearing what his brain asked him, Homer thought about it. Some moments later… “D’oh!”

Wanting to stop fighting with his brain, the fat man decided to think by himself. Then, he got an idea. He took a six-pack of beer and drank them all at once. After he drank all the beer, Homer was, naturally, drunk. However, he was able to do a belch so powerful that it destroyed the spikes that blocked his way. Being drunk, Homer fell on his back and started sleeping. One hour later, he woke up, no more drunk at all. He rubbed his head.

“Oh, boy… What happened to me? Oh, yeah. I was drunk… and I’m proud of it!” Homer stood up, went to the other end of the room and left it by another door. Everything seemed to be fine for him… until he ran into another bunch of Primids. And not only they were twenty, but they also had weapons. “Uh-oh…”

He ran away in fear, while the Primids started chasing him. All of sudden, Homer noticed a drinks vending machine and stopped besides it. With a determinated face, he kicked the machine, which send a can of drink into his hand. Homer took some candies from his pocket and put them into the can. The fat man shook the can many times as he watched the Primids coming at him.

“I’ll see you all in hell!” he exclaimed.

Then, he threw the can into the robots. At this moment, everything was in slow-motion. Homer ran as fast he could. The can caused an explosion that destroyed the Primids. It threw Homer to a far distance while the fat man was screaming. He landed on the ground. The slow-motion effect stopped. Then, he looked behind him and saw all the messes caused by the explosion. One thing for sure: he defeated some of the Primids.

“Heh, heh, heh. Homer, 1. Robots, 0!” laughed the fat man as he went to another door. “And eat your heart out, Bruce Willis!”


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Later on, Homer came near a corner. He heard some footsteps. The fat man looked and saw Donald and Imaginary Man coming. He gasped.

“Aaah! I must hide myself!” He noticed a cardboard box near him. Without asking to himself where the box came from, Homer quickly hidden himself inside that box. “Quick!”

Some seconds later, Donald and Imaginary Man passed by the box. Suddenly, the imaginary superhero stopped. The duck noticed it, stopped running and turned around.

“What is it, Imaginary Man?” asked the duck.

“I sense a presence here.” answered the superhero.

At the same time, Homer was nervous. He didn’t want to be discovered.

“Don’t fart. Don’t fart. Don’t fart. Don’t fart. Don’t fart. Don’t fart. Don’t fart.” quickly thought Homer’s brain. Then… he farted. “Oh, crap!”

Instantly, Imaginary Man sniffed the odor. He turned his head to the box. Without waiting, he grabbed the box and lifted it, revealing Homer.

“AAAH!” shrieked Homer, like a little girl. “Please! Don’t kill me! I’m too young to die! I’m only 21 years old!”

“You’re pathetic…” said Donald, glaring at the fat man.

He took his sword and was about to attack the fat man. However, Imaginary Man stopped him with his hand.

“Wait, Donald. Despite the fact he looks like an idiot, I can sense he’s on our side. Just trust me.”

Reluctantly, Donald decided not to attack Homer. At this moment, Primids appeared.

“Waaaak!” exclaimed the duck.

“Crap, more of these things.” complained Homer.

“Looks like we have to fight them.” said the superhero.

“You’re right.” said the duck. He turned around to see Homer. “What’s your name?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m Homer J. Simpson.”

“Alright, Homer. If you don’t want to have pain, you better help us.” said Donald before he charged into the Primids. At this moment, he noticed a familiar object. “Hey! There’s an Assist Trophy!”

“I’ll get it!” exclaimed Homer.

The fat man rushed towards the Assist Trophy and grabbed it. As he held it up, another character appeared to help them. It was a yellow-skinned man with an ugly face and dark grey hair. He was wearing a blue button down shirt, a navy blue bar apron, gray pants, black shoes and a navy blue bowtie. His name is Moe Szyslak, one of Homer’s best friends. The barman looked around in confusion.

“What the… Homer?”

“Moe! You’re here!” exclaimed Homer.

“Okay, what the hell am I doing here!?” asked Moe in annoyance.

“Oh, right. Well, apparently, you are an Assist Trophy. You’re supposed to help us against these robots for a couple of moments. And then, you go back to where you were. That’s what I understood about that thing.” explained the fat man.

“It better be the case. Because the last thing I did before you summoned me was serving a beer to Barney. I don’t want to let Barney drink as many beer as he can while I’m absent from my bar!”

“Relax, Moe. Relax!”

“Let’s finish this already!” said the barman as he took a large riffle from his pocket and charged it.

“Hum, why are you carrying a riffle?” asked Homer, puzzled.

“After all these years, I thought you knew me better than that, Homer.”

With that said, Moe aimed and shooted at the Primids. Some of them tried to attack him, but he hit them with his own riffle and also kicked them. After a while, all the Primids were useless. Homer whistled in amazement.

“Wow, Moe! That was great!”

“With a weapon, anything’s possible. Now, I must go to my bar. See ya next time, Homer!” said the barman as he disappeared in a flash.

“Bye, Moe!” waved Homer.

“We better continue our way.” said Imaginary Man.

“Good idea.” agreed Donald.


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At Moe’s, a guy named Barney Gumble looked around to see if somebody was watching him. Being sure that it wasn’t the case, he was about to drink beer for free. All of sudden, Moe appeared and aimed his riffle at Barney.

“Don’t even think about it, you big drunk!” exclaimed the barman.

“Oh, come on, Moe!” complained Barney.

“Don’t… even… think…” he said while glaring at him.


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Meanwhile, Donald, Imaginary Man and Homer continued their way, fighting more robots while using their respective skills. After a while, they arrived into a room with TV monitors, similar to the one Kim and Bloo were a while ago. Donald looked at one monitor and noticed something.

“Hey! Look at that!” pointed the duck. His two allies came to see the monitor. It shows a room with two cages hanging on the air with chain. Inside the cages, there was two trophies. One was a familiar female rabbit; the other was a familiar Arabian princess. “It’s Lola and Jasmine! We have to free them.”

“Roger that. Let’s go!” said Imaginary Man.

The trio left the room and search for the one with the captured women.

“By the way, Homer. How did you ended up here?” asked Donald.

“Well, that’s a long story…” said Homer.


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Some days ago…

Inside an office, an old man named Charles Montgomery Burns was busy at writing something on a piece of a paper. All of sudden, he heard a rumble. The old man turned around and looked at the huge window behind him. He noticed the aircraft carrier flying into the sky.

“Smithers! Come here!” exclaimed the old man.

Soon, a guy with glasses named Waylon Smithers appeared next to him.

“Yes, Mr. Burns?” asked Smithers.

“An unusual event is happening right now. There’s a flying aircraft carrier in the sky.” said Mr. Burns, pointing at the aircraft carrier.

“I see it, sir. Indeed, this is unusal.”

“And if you see it, that means I’m not crazy. Excellent!” said the old man while tenting his fingertips. “But how this huge vehicule is flying, I have no idea. They are probably using some kind of mysterious energy. Something that is even more powerful than nuclear. And if we get that energy, we might be able to do more money…” he said while smiling sinisterly. “Smithers, we need to send somebody to investigate that ship!”

“Do you have somebody in mind, sir?” asked Smithers.

“Well… Oh! I know! How about Homer Simpson?”

“Hum… you mean the incompetent worker from Sector 7-G, whose baby shooted you, who accidentally put our town inside a giant dome, who organized a strike of the workers and who replaced me in a incompetent manner for a time?”

“Yes! That’s him! He’ll be perfect to investigate.”

“Hum… I’m not sure about that, sir.”

“Bah! Don’t discuss about my choice, Smithers. Just go ahead and inform him about it. We can’t let a chance to have more money!”

Smithers sighed.

“Fine, sir. I’ll tell him.”

“Excellent!”


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After a while, they arrived next to a door. Imaginary Man tried to open it, but it didn’t work.

“It’s locked.”

“Oh, it sucks!” moaned Homer. Suddenly, he noticed a weapon on the wall behind him. It was an axe. “Homer Simpson, you’re such a genius!” he said to himself, smirking. The fat man picked the axe before going next to the door. With all his might, he hit the door with the axe, making a hole in it. Homer looked into the hole and did a face similar to what Jack Nicholson did in one of his famous films. “Heeeeeere’s Johnny!” Then, he realized that the room was… empty. “D’oh!”

“Maybe it’s that other room.” said imaginary superhero as he pointed to another door.

Homer came next to the room. Again, he did another hole with the axe and did that same face while looking in that hole.

“Jaaaaaaay Leno!”

All of sudden, he realized that the only thing in this room was… his own father, Abraham Simpson.

“Hi, Jay. I’m Grampa.” said his father.

“D’oh!” exclaimed Homer.

“Wait. He bears a similarity with you, Homer.” said Imaginary Man, looking at the old man.

“Normal, he’s my dad.” said the fat man.

“Or maybe it’s in this one.” said Donald, pointing to another door.

Homer came near the next door.

“Hum, how about your father, Homer?” asked the imaginary supehero.

“Who cares?” said the fat man.

“Don’t leave me alone, Homer!” exclaimed Abe. “I’m scared!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever…” With all his might, Homer made a hole in that other door. “I’m Zac Efron, I’m Vanessa Hudgens and I’m Ashley Tisdale! All this and Corbin Bleu in ‘High School Musical’!” At this moment, Homer realized THIS was the room with the cages. “Hey! It’s here!”

With his axe, he completely destroyed the door before throwing the axe away. Then, Imaginary Man transformed his right hand into a set of tools, like Mega Man. He repaired the door, who was back to normal. The superhero joined his allies, who looked at the cages.

“There they are.” said the duck.

“Good. Now, all we need is to get them down here and…” said Homer until he noticed something. Just like before, the purple spores appeared. This time, they completely covered Lola’s trophy and Jasmine’s trophy. A moment later, two fake versions of the women appeared on the ground. “Oh, crap!”

The fake Lola and the fake Jasmine looked at each other before nodding. They looked at the three guys, who were ready to fight them.

“If they want a fight, they’ll get one!” said Imaginary Man.

The three heroes charged towards the fake women. The fake Lola threw a basket-ball, who rebound many times on the walls. Donald tried to damage the ball, but it seems to be indestructible. Meanwhile, Homer tried to punch the fake Jasmine. However, the fake princess had a great agility and was faster than the fat man, for obvious reasons. She punched him on the face before kicking his belly. Let’s say the fat man was feeling pain right now.

“Alright, Homer. Just remember what Moe said to you once.” said Homer to himself.

Soon, he remembered what his friend once told him.

“Don’t forget Homer. The only way to stop fake versions of real people is…”

All of sudden, he thought of his neighbor, Ned Flanders, who was wearing winters clothes.

“It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all… nothing at all… nothing at all…”

Homer couldn’t help but thinking of Ned’s butt. He was soon disgusted by that.

“Oooh! Stupid sexy Flanders!”

It didn’t help as the fat man was still receiving punches and kicks from the fake Jasmine. Imaginary Man flied into the air. Seeing the fake princess, and Homer having difficulties, he plunged towards her and punched her with all his might.

“You should be arrested for attacking us, faker!” exclaimed the imaginary superhero.

Meanwhile, Homer was still feeling pain. Then, with a glare, he looked at the fake versions of the women.

“That’s it. I have enough of this…” Soon, the fat man took a Smash Ball from his one hand, he crushed it. Homer started to glow brightly. Donald, Imaginary Man and the fake versions noticed it. Soon, the fat man’s skin became green and he started ripping his shirt. Soon, the fat man roared like a lion. “Homer MAD!”

“Uh-oh!” gulped Donald.

Then, Homer jumped in the air and landed on the fake Lola. He grabbed her, smashed it against the wall before throwing it on the ceiling. The fake female rabbit was dissolved.

“Homer MAD! Homer SMASH! Homer getting revenge on the world!” The fat man spotted the fake Jasmine. Without hesitation, he ran towards her and caught her. As he held her up, Homer gave her one powerful punch, dissolving her as well. Some seconds later, Homer came back to his normal appearance. He noticed his allies’ expressions. The fat man looked sheepishly at them. “So, hum… did I do any important damages?”

“Well, when you’re angry, you are worse than me!” admitted Donald.

“Awesome-riffic!” exclaimed Imaginary Man.


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Imaginary Man flied into the air, smashed the cages and dropped the trophies on the floor. Without waiting, Donald and Homer touched them, making them back to life. Lola and Jasmine woke up and noticed each other.

“Jasmine!” exclaimed the female rabbit.

“Lola!” exclaimed the Arabian princess.

“If you want to know, you were locked in this room. And we came here to save you.” explained the duck.

“Oh. Well, thank you all for that.” said Lola.

“It was nothing, ladies.” said Imaginary Man. “Now, we must go searching for the main room of this aircraft carrier. Ain’t that right, Donald?”

“Right.” agreed Donald.

The duck and the superhero left the room. Homer also came out of the room. However, he turned around and talked to the women.

“Wait a second, ladies. This is a job for men. We don’t need your help.”

“What? But…” said Jasmine.

“You better stay here for your own security. See ya!” The fat man closed the door before running to join his two allies. “Lisa would be proud of me.” he said stupidly.

At the same time, Lola and Jasmine looked at each other.

“This is a job for men, he says.” repeated the female rabbit.

“We don’t need your help, he says.” repeated the Arabian princess. “Alright. We’ll show him that we are not damsels in distress at all!”

“And I couldn’t agree more!” exclaimed Lola, with determination.

End of chapter.

Lola and Jasmine are finally freed. In the next chapter, they will show that they can fight as well.

You can tell I had a lot of fun with making all these references to “The Simpsons”! BTW, Moe was playing Gray Fox, a Metal Gear character. I put references to episodes like: “Treehouse of Horror V” (with an updated version of one gag that happened in that episode), “Homer: Bad Man”, “Who Shot Mr Burns?”, “Last Exit to Springfield”, “Homer the Smithers”, “Little Big Mom” and even the movie. Also, Homer’s Final Smash is based on the episode “I Am Furious Yellow” in which he turned into the Hulk at the end.

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